John Daido Loori Roshi 1931-2009

I knew Roshi’s illness had gained ground in recent days, still I was shaken last Friday morning when the dedication of The Heart Sutra was offered to the body of Muge Daido Daiosho.

It was quiet as the service ended. I put on my street clothes, hung my robes in the zendo closet, and walked back into the world. All day my mind was in turmoil. I didn’t know how to react. Should I react in a certain way? Am I supposed to react in a certain way? Is there a Zen way to react?

As the days unfurl I see what others write, I hear what others say, and I wonder where I fit in. Where can my words meet this moment? I see judgments arise that bounce off understandings to form interpretations that may never be fully understood, but here I am.

John Daido Loori, Roshi first entered my consciousness back in 2002 when I read a book called “Waking Up: A week inside a Zen Monastery” by Jack McGuire, and for several years I planned a trip to Zen Mountain Monastery, but I never got there. In 2007 I moved to Brooklyn and began to frequent The Zen Center of New York City, a branch of ZMM. Daido Roshi loomed large my first few months of more serious practice, though I had yet to meet him.

Thanksgiving ‘07 I finally made my way up to the Monastery for the “Introduction to Zen Training Weekend.” I was not prepared for the bigness of what Daido Roshi had created, and I felt I hadn’t given the folks I’d been working with back in Brooklyn their due.

I first met Daido Roshi in a group setting, and I was at once taken by his candor and his gently imposing presence. I don’t know what I expected, but his humor was disarming, his words powerful, yet he held it all effortlessly.

I asked him that weekend, “What does it mean to follow the breath?” He kind of looked me over for a second or two and answered, “Sometimes you’re with the breath; other times you’re not. When you find you’re not with the breath, come back to the breath.”

And that’s what I try to do.